could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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