I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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