you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I die, sorry about rent.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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