The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
