This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize