Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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