i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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