first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
