Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
