Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
