A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
