Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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