So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize