I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
