sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
