Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
