I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
