My Higher Power is John Stamos
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
