I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
