if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
last night I used snow as a chaser
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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