I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
