gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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