i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
