how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
