The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
