I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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