Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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