Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
