yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
