we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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