she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize