that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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