Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
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