I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
