dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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