I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
