if you like me you must not know who I am
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
