There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
