I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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