I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
