I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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