vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
