i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
