Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
