On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's blow job season.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
