when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
