So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize