I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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