my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
