I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize