Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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