Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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