they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
