I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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