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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way

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• (415): View more from California

  So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  well he's currently spooning the coffee table

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down

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• (619): View more from California

  He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.

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• (909): View more from California

  Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.

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• (845): View more from New York

  we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake

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