Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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