Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize