and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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