I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
