You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
