I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
