just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize