I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
