awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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