They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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