just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
