I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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