You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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