Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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