the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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