we have officially mastered the walk of shame
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
