Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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