Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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