I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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