he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
