she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
