Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
