Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
