An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
