Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
