i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
