so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize