just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
