Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
