Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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