why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
