I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
